OMG, its an interwebs emergencies.

What is an internet emergency? Lets explore the words internet and emergency.
e·mer·gen·cy - plural -cies, adjective –noun
1. a sudden, urgent, usually unexpected occurrence or occasion requiring immediate action.
2. a state, esp. of need for help or relief, created by some unexpected event: a weather emergency; a financial emergency.
–adjective
3. granted, used, or for use in an emergency: an emergency leave; emergency lights.

In·ter·net –noun
a vast computer network linking smaller computer networks worldwide (usually prec. by the). The Internet includes commercial, educational, governmental, and other networks, all of which use the same set of communications protocols.

While our dependence upon the internet has changed from a luxury item to a necessity for many users, there are a few guidelines that one should follow.

1. When calling your ISP to get your "Blankety-blank" internet to work, please keep in mind that we dont care if your (insert poor relative here) is dying and needs to send you email. Get off your butt and drive to her place and check on her.

2. If you have not been able to get online for the last ## number of days, dont call us expecting us to jump right on that. You're going to have to wait in line just like everyone else. And if your internet is so damn important, why didnt you call ## number of days ago?

3. If you arent going to take the time to establish a series of security questions for our CSR's to verify your identity, dont complain to us when someone calls in saying they are you and change your services. And definately dont complain when we tell you we cant help you because you cant verify anything.

4. If you think that you can run a home based business with your residential account, and expect to get business quality service, you can expect three things. A. You will be told you are in violation of the Acceptable Use Policy, B. You can get your services terminated, and C. You ARE NOT going to get service any faster.

5. We do not service or troubleshoot software or hardware related issues unless they directly affect you not getting to the internet. If you are getting a Blue Screen when you open IE, contact a PC tech, dont yell at us when you waited 45 minutes for us to tell you to call a PC tech.

6. Equipment familiarization. People take for granted things like breathing clean air, drinking clean water, but no where in any laws does it say you have a right to yell because you are asked to reset your modem. This isnt rocket science, you unplug a cord, you plug it back in. Simple. Except for you simpletons that couldnt find your butt with both hands an a map in a well lit room full of cameras with 1000 different angles for you to reference.

So, now I ask you, is your problem truely an emergency?

Its the most ___(insert verb here)___ time of the year.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Welcome to the best, worst, happiest, saddest, wonderful, revulsive time of the year. Today is Christmas Eve, and you know what? The only people who seem to have Christmas spirit are those that are rich enough to pay the exhorbatant fees that retailers charge for hundreds of items that no one truely needs. Bah humbug on you fat, lazy bastards and your iPods and your Hummer H3's. Infact I say bah humbug on anyone contributing to the commercialization of Christmas and I will see you in that special corner of hell dedicated to you.

History Lesson: Christmas 101**.
1. Christmas is a holiday that is celebrated by many religions and affects every section of the world.
2. The date of December 25th comes from Rome and was a celebration of the Italic god, Saturn, and the rebirth of the sun god. This was done long before the birth of Jesus.
3. A simple study of the tactics of the Romish Church reveals that in every case, the church absorbed the customs, traditions and general paganism of every tribe, culture and nation in their efforts to increase the number of people under their control. In short, the Romish church told all of these pagan cultures, "Bring your gods, goddesses, rituals and rites, and we will assign Christian sounding titles and names to them.

So, whats wrong with Christmas?
1. It is assumed that Jesus was born in December. This is a false belief, according to scripture, he was born some time in September.
2. Trees, wreaths, holly, mistletoe and the like are strictly forbidden, as they are pagan and heathen symbols and idols! Yet Christians every year put up a tree and hang wreaths from thier doorways.
3. No where in the Bible does the The Lord ever speak of commemorating his birth but rather He commanded us to remember the sacrifice of His suffering and death, which purchased our salvation.

So, bah humbug.


**History Lesson information from http://www.lasttrumpetministries.org/tracts/tract3.html

Crazy People...

Some people are just plain crazy.. I am not talking the crazy lady pushing the bascart full of dirty blankets and dead cats, I am talking those people that psychologists would classify as sane that do things that just absolutely blow me away. I am talking about that jackass in the new sports car that flies up on your bumper while your doing 75mph down the freeway, barely giving you time to move right before they decide to do that for you, then flip you off as they pass you like your grandpa grapenuts in his old buick century that is going 15 mph below the speed limit.

I am also talking about those smart morons that drive lexus/bmw/mercedes suv's that think they own the road/parking lot/middle of the isle. These people think that because they can afford a $35,000 luxury vehicle that they are more important than the guy driving down the road in his hard earned $15,000 truck.

People.. get a clue... Your world does not repeat NOT revolve around you... pay attention to others and get your head out of your ass.