Post Xmas excitement and blues.

Greetings everyone for the latest installment of Rusty's amazing, fantastical, eye-opening, jaw dropping goodness from the incredible insight of my mind. In today's installment I would like to point out the feature to your right, the image gallery. As time progresses and I find things that I would like to share with you visually, I will be posting those images in that rotating gallery. The first image I would like to bring to your attention is my Xmas present to me. A WWII Military Rifle, the M1 Carbine. This handy little weapon served in the military from 1944, until early parts of Vietnam. Now the weapon I currently own, I do not know what action it saw, and I am not going to speculate, but I am searching for its records. I can tell you that it shoots very accurately out to 100 yards, and that I am, IMHO, a pretty good shot. Even Rachel likes it! still have to see about getting Rachel something very nice for her Xmas present. I feel pretty guilty about not getting her anything :( I hope she can forgive me that hers might be a bit late.

So that was pretty exciting for me.

Now for the blues...

What is love? What is the difference between being 'in love' and 'loving' someone? What does love mean to you? If I were to ask you the following question, and mind you, you do not have to answer this except to yourself, 'When it comes to your relationship with your (boyfriend,husband,girlfriend,wife), what does it mean to you to love them?'

I guess I am still trying to learn what it means to love someone, specifically someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. Does it mean changing who you are to fit their mold? Or does it mean changing you habits, ideals, morals, to become better than you have been?

I know that deep down in my heart I love Rachel because she makes me feel that together we are greater than we are individually. But we have had some very scary moments in our last 15 months, still I have worked on my behavior not only for her, but for me. I don't want to stress myself into a heart attack... In fact I have changed my behavior when it comes to several things, the most serious offender was my road rage. I have realized that I cannot change the way other people drive, just the way I drive. I am continually learning how to further better myself to the point where I don't even get bothered when someone else cuts me off. I am not getting as upset that I seem to be the only one doing the majority of the household maintenance in the apartment that I share with my beloved Rachel and roommate Crispy, but sadly that came with a price... I recognized that if I don't do it, it seems that no one else does it until I let someone know that its bothering me. So, originally I thought that I shouldn't be the only one with a sense of responsibility and can do these chores without being asked, but like other drivers, I cannot rely on this though. So I have resigned myself to knowing that if it needs to be done, just do it and be done with it.

I am really trying hard to be a better person for Rachel, but I am starting to feel like the changes I have made aren't enough, or will not be enough. She loves me because I give her 'warm fuzzy' feelings, but whats going to happen when I cant keep her warm anymore? I love her, and I desire to marry her... but does she feel the same way anymore? Did she ever feel that way at all?