Hey! Buddy! Yeah, you in the front row!

How many of you can remember the following:

1. What you wanted to be when you grew up?
2. The name of your favorite toy?
3. Your best friend in the whole world?
4. Your first day at school or a new school?
5. The first time you realized that the opposite sex wasnt a cootie-coated monstrosity?
6. Your first kiss?
7. Your first real kiss?
8. The first time you realized that you were happy, no matter what?
9. The first time you realized what it means to be in love with someone?
10. The worse time you and a loved one fought? (not related to you)
11. The first time you threw up after an arguement of any kind?

Let me tell you my answers. I wanted to be an astronaught when I was a kid, I can remember bits and pieces of the Apollo space missions being televised, but I couldnt tell you which missions they were. But I knew in my heart I wanted to go into space.
My favoritist toy I ever had was anything I got my hands on that I could imagine was something else. A stick was a rifle/sword/lightsaber... A rock was a car/grenade/rock... My best friend was a kid named Stoney, we did pretty much everything together, put pennies on the railroad track, rode our bikes all over our neighborhood, explored everything that was not fenced to keep us out. My first day at school is not much more than a faded memory, not even a flicker of where I was at the time, but I can remember the first school play I watched. The Wizard of Oz, and to this day I still dont know how they made the wicked witch melt into the gym floor.
I remember my first crush, Kerri Ashley, she was brown haired girl in the 3rd grade with me. A couple years later I was getting my vaccine updated when I met her mom. Kerri didnt even know I existed.

I remember my first kiss, Christina Pinkerton, she lived in my neighborhood but went to a different elementary school. All of us kids in the group would run around from dawn to dusk(or later), and I think it was kind on natural that we were our first kiss. Granted my cousin kinda helped me see the light. My first real kiss came from a gal that my high school friend set me up with. We decided to walk home from school, and we were over 4 hours late getting her home.

The first time I really, truely and completely felt happy was the day I asked Rachel to be my girlfriend. I was happy before that day when Rachel and I would go roller blading, biking, walking or just sit together and talk. But I was happy, more than any other time in my life. My first time with thinking I was truely in love with someone also came with Rachel, in the past I always thought I was in love with my girlfriend, but I always 'knew' it would end up bad, maybe self prophesy occurred, and most of those relationships ended poorly. But with Rachel, its very much different, she is always first and formost on my mind, and I think about her needs before mine. That is what I think true love is.

Mind you, I have had several bad arguements(fights) with my significant others, but the one that I let boil over the last 5 months just completely blew up in my face last night. You see, Rachel is not only the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, she is also one of my best friends, one of the guys so to speak. And because she is always there for me, I tend to vent my frustrations for things at her, and she cant handle the stress that I have added to her life. So, last night I exploded, I was upset that Roommate doesnt put forth an effort to help keep the kitchen area clean, trash will just sit, until I get frustrated and take it out myself, dishes will pile up and at one point, there was not a single clean dish in the whole kitchen, I finally got upset and did the damn things myself, and I all got from anyone else, was a thank you from Rachel with the crevat of 'I was going to do it today.' That stirred the simmering pot and festered, then last night the comment that was made that an annoyance of mine might not be someone elses annoyance just pushed me over the edge and I lost it. Any of you have an elder member of your family that canned foods? Ever seen when a pressure cooker goes postal, and shoots greenbeans and bacon all over the ceiling? not pretty! I was within a hairs breadth of losing the only woman in my life that means more to me than even myself. After the whole arguement, I ended up throwing up, and that was a first as well.

I prayed last night as I drifted into a restless sleep that I find the right ways to communicate more effectively with everyone around me. And that I can find the way to repair my relationship.

Please forgive me.

Please.