Cowboy Rules (Amended)

The following rules for the Great States of Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Oregon (that's pronounced Oreegun) and the rest of the Wild West are as follows, without exception:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.


2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.


3. Let's get something straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus when you follow me, your in front of me, or I pass you. Drive it or get the hell out of the way.


4. They are live stock. That's why they smell like live stock. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-80 & I-90 go east and west, I-5, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go.


5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.


6. Every person in the "Wild West" waves and/or smiles. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.


7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.


8. Since we are on the subject of cell phones, do you think that cell phone will work better when I shove it up your ass when you're drivin and talkin at the same time?


9. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.


10. The'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
    
11. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.


12. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.


13. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!


14. If you bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.


15. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch, AND dont cost no $400 a seat.


16. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.


17. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won't get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!

The Story of Aog da Wize.

The Story of Aog da Wise

As told in third person by Aog.

Chapter 1 - Da Begining.

"Da story of Aog da Wize begins in a small billage in a shady forest. Aog's early life was one of pain and misery. Aog, you see, was a small ogre and because he was a small ogre, only 1 hand shorter than other ogres, and quite a bit not as smart as them, Aog was picked on alot. Aog tried bery hard to fit in with da beatum ups, a gang of mean ogres, only to get beat up. Aog started hanging around da shaman, and one day Shaman tell Aog to go get water. Aog was bery excited to fetch water and ran down to da riber, when Aog get to da riber, he see a strange light in da woods. Aog inbestigated the strange light and found a tree dat was glowing and warm. Aog think to himself, "dis must be important," and he bring a piece of da burning tree back to billage. Aog happily forgot all about getting da water as he ran back to da billage. Once Aog got back to da billage, Aog ran to his house first and rushed in to show his mom what he got. As he entered da house, some of the embers from the burning stick caught da roof on fire, Aog not know what going on and ran out of da house to da shaman's house and when he entered, he caught da roof of da shaman's house on fire too. Pretty soon roofs every where were on fire and all da other ogres were running around crazy not knowing what to do. Aog den remembered to get da water from da riber and dropped da stick on da ground, which happened to be run off from da place where everyone goes poo and flames start running up da trail and cause a great confleg.. conflagur... great splosion which practically lebels the whole billage. Those dat were not killed by the sploding poo were running around on fire. Meanwhile, Aog gets a pail of water and rushes back to da billage and see's the horrible devestation.. Pieces of Aogs billage begin falling from da sky and burn Aogs arms and hair, Aog then dumps da water on himself, but dat only do so much for the other spots da burn him so he run back to riber and jump in. Soon, whole forest goes up in flames and Aog, stunned by his magical discover floats down stream and into a new life.

Chapter 2 - Between Rok and Hardplace.

Aog floated down riber for a long time. Pretty soon Aog decide to get out of riber and he swim to shore. Aog crawl on sandy beach and wait to dry off. Aog know dat wet cloths make for bad rash, so Aog rest then fell asleep. When Aog wakes up, he hears boices of 2 other ogres, and Aog say "Hey!" The boices both say "WHUT!?" Aog den say "I donno." Then from the trees come two ogres one shorter than other and both shorter than Aog. Aog den say "Who you two?" Da shorter one say "My name Rok, and dis is Hardplace." "Hardplace, dat strange name for ogre," Says Aog. Hardplace den say "My name comes from several generations of very powerful ogres, and I recieved my name at a coronation in my village after one of the elders tried to hit me on my head, and it broke his hand. From then on, I was named Hardplace." Aog think about this for a while and knocked himself on his own head and said "yup, is hardplace." So began da adbentures of Rok, Aog and Hardplace.

(To Be Continued)

Volunteer (UPDATE)

well, it turns out that I did not get in trouble after all.. more of a slap on the hand stating "Don't do that anymore and you'll be just fine." But before that was clarified to me, two supervisors and one lead, their names are withheld because it makes it more dramatic, strongly encouraged me to file an application for the Lead spot. So, today I am going to spend time between hanging out with my girlfriend at her step-neices birthday party and the the hockey game I am going to tonight to have one of the supervisors help me make my application an award winning application. Now I understand that if someone else without any disciplinary actions apply they might get the job before me, but this is the job I have been wanting since the day I got hired. Besides I am willing to break out my bionic kneepads and even fore go the pay raise in order to prove to them I really want the job.

Please, if you can, or want, wish me luck. I really need the boost in my moral.. and Tier 1 really needs some leads that know what they are doing.